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THE SPLAT-FILES
Tales of an Amorphous, Interdimensional, Teenage Superhero and his
buds
GM'ed by Hilary Goldstien
Chronicled by David Wolf
Return to Generation Hero Index
Ep1- Alphabet Troubles
Ep 2- Meglomaniacle Evil
Twins Suck!
Ep 3- Wild West Hoe Down
Ep 4- Showdown with the King
Ep 5- In the Shadow of Capt.
Marvel
Ep 6- Rescuing Jeremy
PC's-
Amorpho (David Wolf)
Berry Ween (Rob Killen)
NPC's-
The Alphabet Bandit
Vowel Vixens
The Dude
Biff Bender
Jeremy (Barry's sidekick)
Frank Lemmer (Ms. Musso's flunky)
Location- Coast City National Bank
Date- ?
I woke up today thinking that nothing unusual was going to happen. I showed up for class like usual and had that hippy chem teacher first thing. 'The Dude', man that guy needs to get out of the sixties or something. Lunch sucked. I saved some little nerd and his budy from getting a beating from Biff Bender. Biff really hates it when he can't push somebody around. I think that little nerd did something to Biff 'cause while I was talking to him he seemed to just get a glazed expression on his face and passed out. The rest of school just seemed to fade and it was nice hearing the final bell of the day.
On my way home as I flew past the bank I noticed the alarm going off. There was this weird dude standing on a floating platform waving a strange gun around and carrying some money. He was yelling at some pretty fine looking chicks in skimpy, skin-tight outfits. I decided to change from bird form to giant blob form and fall right on top of the guy. That must have been a surprise having a ton of goo fall on you from height, he didn't know what hit him. The chicks started firing their guns at me but I grabbed up a couple of them before they could do some damage (can you say "It's groping time!!", I know I can).
Some armored dude showed up and took on the Alphabet Bandit after he recovered from me falling on him. Bandit was trying to get away but Armored Dude kept pounding on him with his energy blasts. Alphabet Bandit even had to throw out his "Letter Bomb" but this armored dude just kept coming. After that Alphabet Bandit jumped into his get-away van but armored dude blasted that and Bandit just gave up after that.
Me, I got stuck holding all the Vowel Vixens until teh police could get there and take them off my hands. Armored dude seemed like a nice guy but he wasn't too talkative so I just said bye and took off.
If all the villians are like the Vowel Vixens, I'm really going to enjoy catching them
PC's-
Amorpho (Dave Wolf)
Surfer Chad aka Kevin (Ed Goldstein)
The Wall aka John (Tom Brittan)
Barry Ween (Rob Killen)
NPCs
Jeremy (Barry's sidekick)
Ms. Musso
Frank Lemmer (Ms. Musso's flunky)
Wally Bean, Barry Ween's evil twin
The Glob, The Wall's evil twin
The Element, Amorpho's evil twin
Sarra Mason, just one knockout babe.
Location- Coast City and Alternate Dimension Coast City
Date- ?
Man, I overslept today. By the time I got to school I found police barier tape over the door to The Dudes classroom. In english class Mr. Kent (the Superman Wanabe) put the class into groups and assigned us to act out an act from Shakespear in a different genre. I got stuck with that little nerd I saved from Biff Bender the other day, Berry Weiner. I also got in with Chad, that surfer dude and that kid with the hormonal imbalance everybody is talking about. After I told them about the police barrier tape they all got really interested in checking out the Chem Lab.
Over at the lab we found the roof missing and it look like the debris was thrown outside. We asked The Dude, who we found lying on a cot in the back room, what caused the devistation but all he would say was that Ms. Musso got turned into a fire breathing dragon and took off through the roof. While trying to get up on the roof to get a better picture of what was going on, we were harassed by Ms. Musso's flunky and Berry managed to zap him into slumber-land. We then ran into Berry's flunky who told us that he got a note from Berry but he threw it away in the girls bathroom. Since Berry was with us the entire time that couldn't be right so we went out to retrieve the note. I had to go in there and impersonate a girl (Sarah Mason) and dig through some garbage to find it.
We tried to find Berry's flunky again but he wasn't in the library like he said he was going to be. Berry's double had already gotten to him. Surfer Chad heard reports of a giant, flame breathing dragon devistating the mall so he and Brick Dude went over there by bus while me and Berry decided to break into Ms. Musso's office and going over her files. We managed to get past the receptionist (who Berry zapped) and break into the office but the computer thwarted us and we decided to head over to the mall.
The mall was getting pretty thrashed by Ms. Musso (now a flame breathing harpy). Brick dude managed to get her attention and pounded her in the face real good, knocking her sensless and turning her back into a regular human. Me and Berry ran for the Clock Tower in front of the mall hoping to catch up to his evil double and pound him. By the time we got to the clock tower some kid ran up a with a message from Berry's evil twin telling us that he was basically going to kick our asses. We decided to go back to school since all the action was over and Ms. Musso was trying to throw us into detention for the rest of our lives.
After school we pretty much split up and went about our regular routine. When I woke up the next morning things seemed pretty strange. My home was normal normal not alien normal like it should have been. My mom and dad were missing too. When I went outside the world seemed different. There were all kinds of sports cars and stuff all over the place. I tried going to school but where the school had been huge statues had been errected of these four freeky guys who looked vaguely like me, Berry, Chad, and Brick Dude. Kids from all over started to show up and then a hologram of Berry's evil twin showed up to tell us that we were in his way in his plans for taking over our dimension and that he was going to kick our asses. He then told us to follow the yellow brick road. Yellow brick road my ass, I hated that stoopid movie but I had no choice.
At the end of the yellow brick road was Walley Beans fortress. We were guided inside by the crowd of kids and entered a large arena. I blended in with the crowd while the rest of the guys headed for the center of the arena. Walley Bean then showed up to introduce our evil counterparts and tell us that we were going to get our asses kicked and then get sent to the negaverse. What an asshole. While the guys were fighting their evil twins, I jumped out of the crowd and started hammering away at Walley Beans protective force field. After I beat that down I almost had the little sh@t but missed him with my first punch. He then managed to switch on his armor and mix it up with me. I almost had him again but he got in a few luckey punches and somehow managed to knock me out. I got him good with my impression of him with a butt for a head, he didn't like that at all. The guys did pretty good against their evil counterparts but they too were overwhelmed and beaten into submission.
When we awoke that jackass Walley Bean was there to tell us how he was going to send our butts to negaverse land and that he was going to take over our dimension for a little challenge. About the time he was done gloating Berry throws his little tazer into Walley Beans dimensional gate machine causing it to go crazy and pull everybody into different dimensional gates. Me, Berry, Surfer Chad, and Brick Dude got sucked into the same gate miraculously and ended up landing on a sand dune in the middle of the desert. Now what else can go wrong.
PC's-
Amorpho (Dave Wolf)
Surfer Chad aka Kevin (Ed Goldstein)
The Wall aka John (Tom Brittan)
Barry Ween (Rob Killen)
NPC's-
Jeremy (Barry's sidekick)
Luke Carson
Red Cloud
Bounty Hunters
Ape Guards
Zantor the ape
King Solomon the ape
Location- Middle of the Wasteland, Strange Jungle, King Solomons Fortress
Date- ?
We arrived on this planet in the middle of some vast wasteland with some western dude standing over us on a horse. His name was Luke Carson and he was headed for a little trading post ou in the middle of the wasteland. He was kind enough to let us travel with him into town and showed us to the local canteen owned by some indian named Red Cloud. We ended up bartending as part of a deal to get a drink and a place to stay. These bounty hunters decided that since we were super powered that we were fair game (considering that on this world superheroes were the cause of the wasteland) and tried to start some trouble with us in the bar. Red Cloud intervened and kicked them out. He had gotten a premonition that we were going to be coming to his bar and knew that we were interdimensional travelers looking for a way home. He gave us this gizmo to find our way to the nearest dimensional portal and sent us on our way.
Using the portal finder, we managed to treck through the desert and into some weird jungle on our little quest to find the portal. We had to stop and camp out but the next day, as we hacked our way through the jungle, we came upon some strange stone temple covered with carvings of animals. As we approached the temple we were attacked (after I turned into a giant boar and ordered them to surrender) by ape men armed with spears that shot blasts of energy. During the fight the Wall managed to take out Zantor and another ape who he through into the desintigrator mounted on the portal to the temple. I managed to get everybody to stop fighting after talking to one of the guards who then led us to King Solomons fortress deep within the jungle.
The ape men led us to King Solomon who told us that none may enter the temple except for him. We tried to explain to him that the dimensional portal was inside the temple and that it was the only way home but he wasn't going for it. That's when Surfer Chad volunteered Wall to go one-on-one with King Solomon for rights to enter the temple. After he agreed, they took us to the dungeon for safe keeping and that's where we ran into Barry Ween who's little side-kick Jeremy was driving us crazy. I swear, one more smart ass comment out of him and I think we would have been feeding him to the wild jungle animals.
PC's-
Amorpho (Dave Wolf)
Surfer Chad aka Kevin (Ed Goldstein)
The Wall aka John (Tom Brittan)
Barry Ween (Rob Killen)
NPC's-
Jeremy (Barry's sidekick)
Ape Guards
Zantor the ape
King Solomon the ape
King Solomon's Son
Rebels
Location- Strange Jungle Temple, King Solomons Fortress
Date-
After a night of lounging around a dungeon we ended up in a slave pen to watch the big fight between my buddy Wall and that Solomon guy. It sure was a good fight but I missed most of it when Barry talked me into slipping out of the slave pen (with some "Chill Out" help from Surfer Chad) and rescuing his ring off of some guards neck. I managed to get up there while Wall was mopping the floor with King Solomon. I turned into one of the guard captains and tried stealing the ring off the guard but he caught on as I tried crying on his shoulder and cutting the ring off his necklace. I then had to flee the stand (with the ring) while changing form and leaping through the crowd as a tiny monkey while the ape guards fired blast after blast at my retreating backside. Too bad about Zantor, he was in the box watching the fight and accidentally got fallen on by one of the other guards.
I made it back to the box just in time to see Wall get flattened by a cheap shot from King Solomon. Soon after shots could be heard at the gate of the city as the rebels attacked. King Solomon asked us to fight beside him and he would spare us but after seeing the way he treated humans and apes we decided to play along with him long enough to get his amulet away from him. Me and Barry jumped him in an observation tower room but we weren't able to get if from him until later while he was in the thick of battle. Wall managed to get in a good uppercut on Solomon and sent him to slumber land long enough for us to grab the amulet and high tail it over to the rebels. Surfer Chad managed to rallie the rebels for another charge at the city gates but wasn't able to get them to go any further and they left to lick their wounds.
Back at the rebel camp we managed to talk King Solomon's son into helping us get into the temple. The next day we set off to the temple with both halves of the amulet (the son had the other half). We used it to get in but while we were looking at the portal King Solomon sprung a trap on us and ambushed us with a hoard of his troops. We got away but King Solomon's son was captured. I managed to activate some ancient device in hopes of causing a distraction but wasn't able to stick around to see if the dude got away.
As we stepped through the dimensional gate we ended up in some modern city under the statue of Captain Marvel. Could we be any further from home?
PC's-
Amorpho (Dave Wolf)
Surfer Chad aka Kevin (Ed Goldstein)
The Wall aka John (Tom Brittan)
Barry Ween (Rob Killen)
Zip (Amy G. Critenden)
NPC's-
Jeremy (Barry's sidekick)
Men in Grey
Newspaper Stand dude
Location- The CITY
Date-
The City was a nice change from the jungles and wastelands of the last alternate earth. We stopped at a newspaper stand to get some information but Barry zapped the newspaper guy and brought the law down on us. A troop of grey suited businesspeople tried to get us to go to some re-education camp or something but we weren't going for it and a fight broke out. I turned into a fire hydrant with a nasty disposition and long, dripping fangs and managed to scare the bajesus out of a couple of suits I had dangling from my fire hose. The rest of the suits were taken out but Surfer Chad, Wall, and Barry with a little help from a local girl who we later found out to be called Zip. She took us through some sewer tunnels to a little hide-out she had close by. We found out a little from her about the corporates and Cpt. Marvel making the world a better place for corporations and then she took us to a local gym where we could freshen up.
We were there long enough to get into another fight with the Corporates. Mr. Smith appeared and asked us to go quietly but you know us, just can't turn down a good fight. We got away but Jeremy didn't. That little prick got picked up by the suits and Wall and I got volunteered for the job. I took the form of a suit and took Wall back as my prisoner but the suits weren't buying it and started teleporting in from somewhere. One ported in right behind me and blasted a hole in my head, knocking me through the window of the gym we just left. The rest of the guys showed up then and began taking agents out left and right but more just kept on coming. Surfer Chad almost went berserk when he saw me get shot and Wall went in to see what was left of me. I surprised the shit out of him by doing the Romero Zombie thing and almost got thrown back out into the street for it, oops. After the rest of the guys found out I was OK we left but not before I could take a couple of agents with me. I managed to steal all of the stuff off them but the teleported away somehow before we could get a chance to question them, drat.
Maybe those agents did us a favor. The only thing they have is Jeremy and I know we would all be happier without him.
PC's-
Amorpho (Dave Wolf)
Surfer Chad aka Kevin (Ed Goldstein)
The Wall aka John (Tom Brittan)
Barry Ween (Rob Killen)
Zip (Amy G. Critenden)
NPC's-
Jeremy (Barry's sidekick)
Men in Grey
Location- The CITY
Date-